SUNDAY: I am having second thoughts about my remake of ‘Sholay’. It’s been another week, another remake, another round of
criticisms! But I’d warned J.P. Dutta to modify the story of ‘Umrao Jaan’ – take Umrao out of Lucknow and fly her to Mumbai, where the underworld funds her efforts to earn a living making Umrao Jam! Tomorrow, I will make a few changes in my ‘Sholay’ script!MONDAY: I must do something different and shocking with my ‘Sholay’ How about the handicapped Thakur trying to rekindle his sex life by visiting strip joints in Bangkok with his Man Friday Ramlal? I guess it would be interesting to explore the psyche of a man who has no arms but desperately needs to scratch … somewhere below his waist?
TUESDAY: Learnt the shocking truth that Sooraj Barjatya remade ‘Nadiya Ke Paar’ as ‘Hum Aapke Hain Koun’ and nobody raised an eyebrow! By the way, these guys at Rajshri Pictures aren’t all that ‘saaf-suthra’ as they would have us believe!
Apparently, they attempted a desi James Bond titled ‘Agent Vinod’ in 1977 with a guy dressed like a butler! Two years later, Mithun Chakraborty wore bell bottoms and thrust his crotch at the camera as another avatar of James Bond called Gunmaster G-9 in ‘Suraksha’! And all I did was make ‘James’ who didn’t ‘Bond’ with the box office at all!
WEDNESDAY: What do I do with Basanti? What if she is less chirpy after her Dhanno was confiscated by Maneka Gandhi? What if she is contemplating getting even with alcoholic boyfriend Veeru under the Protection of Women From Domestic Violence Act? Or does that make my script sound like a Kalpana Lajmi film?
THURSDAY: Today, I cautioned Nisha Kothari that if she doesn’t get her act together in my ‘Sholay’, she might have to earn a living making rotis with Rakhi Sawant and Bobby Darling on ‘Bigg Boss’! Random thought: What if Samba is suffering from vertigo?
FRIDAY: Finally, I am re-working the character of Gabbar Singh. I told Amitji that let’s show Gabbar heading a call centre comprising of Kaalia and gang, providing assistance to baddies across the world in robbery, kidnapping and assorted crimes!
SATURDAY: If “Ram Gopal Varma ka Sholay’ doesn’t work, I will open a restaurant and call it Ram Gopal Varma ke Choley! I guess it’s better than reading some silly column that’s more tumour than humour!
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